The Smiths break up, and it has an unusual impact upon a foursome of directionless young adults and one very strange gunman in Shoplifters of the World – so named, of course, for their similarly titled 1987 single that accompanies the end credits of writer/director Stephen Kijak’s film. The entire soundtrack, in fact, is set to the music of the post punk/indie rock band, headlined by Morrissey, that inspired a generation of imitators. The music is good. We could have guessed that would be the case, really, with a band as solid as the Smiths. The problem is in what the music surrounds: a story as directionless as its protagonists.
The first sign of trouble is Cleo’s (Helena Howard) reaction to the news of the breakup: She screams at the television in disbelief and spends a good chunk of the next half-hour in a sort of dithering state of dissociation. She just wants to get out of town, so she scoops up three friends – Billy (Nick Krause), who is about to join the United States Army, and couple Patrick (James Bloor) and Sheila (Elena Kampouris), whose celibate lifestyle and vegetarianism were inspired directly by the band they worship – and takes them on a joyride.
This side of the plot is all about the attitude of the characters, but Kijak proves himself not to be a great director of actors. Kampouris is fine as Sheila, who feels closeted in by her own decision to abstain from sex, but none of these other actors is particularly skilled at inhabiting their characters. Krause and Bloor struggle to realize the budding sexual awakenings enjoyed by Billy and Patrick, while Howard – presumably the anchor of the film and the entryway for the audience as Cleo – is unconvincing in her every moment of trying to emulate a free spirit.
Still, there is some potential in this half of the film, if only because we can kind of sympathize with some late-stage teenagers who had found joy in a music act that is now suddenly no longer active (If Radiohead were ever to break up, this writer would be inconsolable). The other half of the story is the stuff of downright lunacy: Dean (Ellar Coltrane) is nearly as upset by the breakup as Cleo, with whom he has a passing but significant connection through his music store, but he does something quite different with his anguish. Instead of moping, he brings a loaded gun to a radio station, takes “Full Metal” Mickey (Joe Manganiello) hostage, and forces the disc jockey to play the Smiths until the entire vinyl collection is finished.
Dean’s storyline introduces an entirely unnecessary bit of false drama to the affair, especially since the combined efforts of Coltrane’s awkward performance and the unbecoming zaniness of the whole plot thread is a tonal nightmare. The gunman and the DJ talk about their disparate tastes in music (Mickey hates the Smiths, celebrates their dissolution, and is generally more of a Metallica guy) and the things they surprisingly have in common, such as what led each of them to give up eating meat (spoiler: Dean’s reason has to do with a certain band’s sophomore studio album).
It all gives off an air of great importance without providing any connecting point or convincing drama. The modifier “pretentious” to describe a movie has lost its meaning to overuse and conflation with other phrases. Occasionally, though, the rule proves why there must be an exception, and here it is: Shoplifters of the World is, in fact, pretentious.
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