In 2004, before anyone besides Oregonians ever considered the city of Forks, an emerging action star Hugh Jackman took up the role of a famous vampire slayer – well, professor that is, for the perfectionists. But Van Helsing (2004) wanted to appeal to more than just the hardcore horror fans – they wanted action chasers, anime viewers and emos, and what better way than through Gothic classics, Batman and steampunk? Director Stephen Sommers then bravely asked “What if Van Helsing was hot and also Vampire Hunter D?” Three additional factors gaining steam in the mid-aughts undoubtedly helped influence this decision: crossover events (League of Extraordinary…, song mashups), the sexy vampire (Buffy, Blade, Underworld), and the ‘story, retold’ (Wicked, The Penelopeia).
As far as all three go, Van Helsing boasts each in abundance. Jean Claude-Van Helsing squares up against not only his nemesis Dracula, but also the Wolfman, the Frankenstein monster and a version of Mr. Hyde that’s probably based off of Beast. Smoldering, writhing brides of Dracula bring the sensual, Carmilla-esque regality of the vampire, and Kate Beckinsale herself comes in hot on the heels of her own vampiric turn, Underworld, now cosplaying as Victorian-era Anita Blake. Story wise, it spins the Dracula tale into something far more seismic in scope than the novel, as if telling it through a comic strip rather than a collection of letters and testimonials. Some great movies are just vibes – this is all the vibes of a Todd McFarlane Twisted Fairytale, the classic made modern and entirely over-the-top.
June Diane Raphael wisely skipped the taping of the How Did This Get Made episode of Van Helsing. Perhaps she, connoisseur that she is, knows the film overcomes its inconsistencies by either steamrolling past them or playing into them. One might care that Jackman, an Australian, has an English accent, but that’s rectified by backstory (he turns up completely amnesic on the steps at the Vatican) and because actions speak louder than words. Very early on, a one-armed Mr. Hyde attempts to hoist the protagonist to his clutches only to clumsily trip to his death off the side of Notre Dame, a scene of perfect, humorous hubris. Moments like these, spliced throughout the melees, enhance the film’s rush and reveal the tongue in its cheek: “If you’re going to kill someone, do it! Don’t sit there talking about it!” is something any viewer has said to themselves before while sitting through a villain’s grandiose monologue promising devastation. The humor not only compensates for inconsistencies, it finds ways to use them to its advantage.
The film’s tongue is in cheek, but Sommers never forgets that he has it pressed against a fang and will draw forth at least some level of horror. The Severus Snape-ing of Dracula absolutely works for the character: high, sallow cheeks, thin lips, strands of curtain bangs, all of it the look of a pompous, undead overlord who, we discover, just wants to be a father. Daddy Drac shrugs off the usual weapons against him (stakes, crucifixes, holy water), forcing the trio of Van Helsing, princess Anna Valerious (Beckinsale) and frisky friar Carl (David Wenham) to determine his weakness. Their divine quest sets them against all manner of monsters – bloodthirsty lycanthropes stalking through hallways, a sadistic incarnation of Igor, and an original creation: the squelchy-voiced, masked Dwergi: “If you get the chance to kill one, do it because they’ll do worse to you.”
Oof, sounds like a lot, right? So stuffed a movie could fall into the same trap as the crowded Godzilla Final Wars, also from 2004, where the sheer number of kaiju means each one barely gets five minutes. Van Helsing too, brims with baddies, but unlike GFW, it fills its time with monster battles, not human ones. No shortage of villains means rarely a dull moment and that Van Helsing gets to employ his mechanized crossbows, handsaws and pistols against soaring vamps and menacing mutants.
When these foes overlap, such as during a well-choreographed carriage chase, it brings forth perhaps the film’s greatest asset and joy: the crossover moment. The wolfman and vampire, timeless horror characters going head-to-head in battle, is arguably more impactful than something like Loki vs. The Hulk. Even the ending of the classic Dracula story is relatively tame in comparison, the final battle happening between mortal men and the titular character merely fading to dust. In Van Helsing, everything is dialed up to 11, from bubbling, decaying vampires impaled through their hearts to werewolves tearing themselves out of their human skin.
Those gorier elements are Sommers’ nod to the horror fans, who can find plenty of scares here amongst the laughs and the skirmishes. Fusion again, is the name of the game, intertwining the drama and lore of high-fantasy with a Michael Bay-esque affinity for special effects, each united beneath an understanding that both qualities are outlandish and gripping. Who cares if the CGI looks unreal? Monsters are unreal! And they typically film better when they look it, too.
Photo courtesy of Universal Pictures
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