Co-writer/director K. Asher Levin has a point to make with Slayers, a surprisingly low-rent and low-imagination horror-comedy set in a world where vampires exist and social media influence has rotted the brains of those who profit from it. There is nothing new under the sun in this particular examination of social media, which adds up to nothing more than paying some lip service to those audience members inclined to agree that Gen-Xers and Gen-Zers are just the absolute worst. This is certainly the opinion had by grizzled vampire hunter Elliot Jones (Thomas Jane), who spends the entirety of the story either engaged in battle with the bloodthirsty bloodsuckers or growling grievances with the current generation from underneath his unkempt beard. We’re not sure whether to agree with this character or simply acknowledge that he “tells it like it is.”
Nothing here is particularly funny or scary, but Levin and co-screenwriter Zack Imbrogno certainly pad the running time with as much exposition and violence (and, for that matter, profanity) as possible to let us know we aren’t engaged in family entertainment. The movie, as a result, is an exhausting sprint to the finish, complete with paper-thin characters and laughable attempts at drama and, well, a whole lot of barely competent violence. Perhaps the most and only positive attribute of this whole thing is just how short the movie is. Another one might be the generally spirited performance from Kara Hayward as Flynn, a video game designer who arrives in a group with the other characters here and finds herself drawn to Elliot’s weird ideas and conspiracy theories.
As a character, though, Flynn is as inconsistent and underdeveloped as the rest of the lot. They include Jack (Jack Donnelly), Liz (Lydia Hearst), and Jules (Abigail Breslin, who looks particularly confused about why she is here), each of whom has a major following on an amusingly nonspecific social-media app (clearly, none of the low budget had room for licensing to use the obvious template). They have arrived at a massive residence owned by billionaire vampire Steven Rektor (Adam Ambruso), his wife Beverly (Malin Akerman), and their son Harry (CG Lewis). The whole thing, obviously, is a scheme to turn them into vampires for the internet clout. After all, the internet has turned all into the brainless, heartless undead – or whatever.
This is mostly an excuse for a slew of violent action and kill sequences, which spare no expense on packets upon packets of fake blood and prop knives to bring them to life. Not a single inch of these scenes is entertaining or inventive, as Levin simply amps up the pacing and the speed of the editing for a few seconds of commotion and calling that an action sequence. There are no twists or surprises in this narrative, either, as a result of the screenwriters simply wanting to give us the broadest possible versions of these characters and this conflict and an ensemble of actors who are clearly lost and confused in the weeds of the screenplay. Laughs and thrills are scarce in the pitiful Slayers.
Photo courtesy of The Avenue
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